your parents love me but you hate me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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