The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize