i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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