I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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