dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
