Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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