Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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