How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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