Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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