I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You're like the curious george of whores
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
