I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
