i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
