it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
