yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
