OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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