VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
