literally had 100 drinks last night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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