Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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