dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
