I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
