hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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