So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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