I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have already put on my inside pants.
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