ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
