I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
