just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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