Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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