if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
