On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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