I cannot find my penis.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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