I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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