Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it's like iHOP with fire
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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