dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
