Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
