Don't make out with my wife yet
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
