I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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