i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
