I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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