bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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