im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
