Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
