what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
