so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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