if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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