no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
