So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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