omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
