bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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