Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
