i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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