I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
