Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
