last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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