i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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