i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
