I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
