I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
