my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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