Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
