Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
