I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
