There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize