You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
