just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
