I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
