Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize