No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
