Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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