I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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