i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
