dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
