I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
