i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
