My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so let's talk penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
