And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I didn't shave. On purpose
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
