Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
