She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
