Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
