I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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