All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
