wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
