I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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