Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
