I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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