Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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