Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
That's intense
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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