Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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