I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
