i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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