Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize