So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
