That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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