from now on my penis is your penis
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
