Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
is that a dick in a sweater?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
