Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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