either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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