I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
