So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I didn't notice because vodka
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
