i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize