Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
