So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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