Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize