Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize