I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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