there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
