I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
