I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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