I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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