I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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